firecoyote's Blog

Dear ____,

I'm simply writing to let you know that I thought seeing you this weekend was an absolute antagonistic approach to me. I was offended you showed up to a place where you knew I was gonna' be and remained in plain sight for me to be reminded of how bad you treated me.
You never once listened to me when we were together. And you demonstrated that when I pleaded you to stay away. You said to me, "This is the most painful break up I've had to go through. You're making our friends choose sides. I don't understand why you're doing this. I'm not your douchebag cheating boyfriend from the last state you were in before here. I would have never cheated on you."
Wrong.
So. Wrong.
How could you not have listened to a single word I said? Did I really matter so little to you? Obviously, I did not matter much, or you would have remembered the real reason why I left the last state I was in. I left because there was nothing for me there anymore, much like here right now. The only reason I was sticking around here was you. And you held me back from everything. But you would have heard that when I told you that. You would not have jumped to that assumption that I left because of an old boyfriend. Wrong. How could you never have listened to a word I said?
You ignored me and my needs of you, and you claim you never would have cheated on me. Let me break this down into a way you can understand. You were.
You were in love with another woman who you had previous sexual relations within a month of us getting together and kept her around very closely to you. How was I not to feel threatened by what you were doing? You never listened to my pleas to at least see her less often. I did the same for you.
You asked that I cut down contact with an ex of mine because it made you uncomfortable. Even though this old ex of mine and I stopped dating years ago, I cut down contact from him for you. But did you do the same for me? No. You ignored me. You ignored my needs to have you be fully present in our relationship.
Not to mention you broke so many promises to me. You said I was the only one in your life. Not true. You had the other woman in your life who you claimed to be best friends with. You expect me to believe that? Heh. Also, when I told you about my paranoia, you said you would help me. You promised me that you would help me. You didn't. You made things worse. You made me think I was insane for months on end, using my paranoia weakness as your own playing card. You blamed my paranoia for my suspicions that you were lying to me about the history between you and her. Only to discover I had been right along when you confessed you had lied to me about that for six months. SIX MONTHS. How... what possessed you to do that? Do you know what that is like for six months believing you are insane, researching ways to calm down your paranoia, seeking help from psychiatric doctors, going through the reprogramming only to realize my suspicions were founded?! That is betrayal. You are a lowly piece of scum. You will be lucky if I ever talk to you again from what you did to me.
I will never forget that. I can't trust you. I will never trust you again. You had it once, but lying is where I draw the line. Betrayal like you did... is unacceptable. We will never be friends. I will tolerate your presence when I have to. Otherwise, forget you. My life will be better without you, that I know for certain. You were my rock bottom. I can only go up from here.
A side note, I now understand why your ex-wife cheated on you. You ignored her like you ignored me. You're lucky I didn't follow in her footsteps. I just hope no other woman has to suffer through what I did except the lying druggie bitch you fell for.
I will find someone better than you. I will be a better person despite you. I will be better in every way, to make sure you regret the decision to ignore me and my pleas. All the things I did for you.... Just to be under your sick need for control over another woman.
But I do understand why you did it. Your mother died when you were young, and want to make sure that the next woman you have will replace her. You don't want to lose the woman you "love". So you try to control her to ensure or minimize the ability to lose her. Looks like your plan backfired. But even then, you could have been lying about this too. I don't know what words that come out of your mouth are true or not. Eventually it would have ended, whether you confessed to me or not. My intuition was screaming at me that you were lying, and even then you were still ignoring me. I did so much for you when you did so little for me.
I declare my independence from you. I don't need you. I have my own self, and I will be excellent without you. I'm already better without you. I get to see whoever I want, I can see my ex, I don't have to be controlled by you. I am no longer preoccupied with you. You are no longer a part of my life, and will no longer have a part to play in it. For the rest of my life, you will be lucky if I say more than courteous statements to you.
Thanks for making me see that I deserve better than you. That my being with you demonstrated how much more I deserve, how I can trust myself and not trust you. I will be much more wary for your kind: seducers, whores, tempters, the "wounded". You are all emotionally vacant humans, incapable of love. All you have is fear. And for that, I have only pity for you all.
I can only hope that you move from your past and move forward. Your inability to move forward is what stopped us. But that is all I hope for. Your next woman better like being controlled. That was the one thing you can do well. I just hope you're a better listener this time around.

Thanks,
Fire C.